I’m a runner and…

This morning I ran my 21km long run in snow and wind. When is winter going to let up and let spring arrive? I’ve only seen the sun a couple short moments this past week. During my run I noticed a pain in the front of my left ankle. It was the same pain I had two years ago that ended up being my extensor digitorum tendon (the one that attaches to the toes and runs up the shin. It lifts your foot up.). Two years ago I kept running, because it wasn’t really painful. It didn’t cause me to alter my gait, it was more of a discomfort. Until one day on a run I felt a searing pain run up my shin and then I had to limp back to my car. I ended up having to take a year off of running until the pain disappeared. I saw many physiotherapists, a chiropractor, and sports med. doctor in that year and didn’t come up with the cause of the injury.

I had felt this pain last Sunday on my long run and also on Friday when I ran in the morning. It is the same pain as before and I’m feeling discouraged. Obviously it hasn’t been resolved. I’m going to skip hills on Tuesday and if it feels better I will try running on Thursday. If not I’ll take more time off. I must have some sort of imbalance if this is occurring again. I feel like I still have a knot in my left calf that needs to be worked out. Maybe I should try getting massages every two weeks to see if that helps loosen things up better.

The other day I read an article in the Edmonton Journal about a new gait analysis machine at the Glen Sather Sports Clinic. Here is a link to the article. It basically creates a video of the runners gait in 3D, so they can analyze it and find imbalances. It sounds promising, but costs $200. For me $200 is worth it though. If they can figure out what my is causing this injury so that I can fix it.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t run. I am signed up for a half-marathon on May and Sinister7 in July. I don’t want to let the team down by injuring myself either. It would be hard for them to find a replacement runner. I may need to alter my training plan too. I think it may be too aggressive for me. It’s only three days a week, but I’m increasing distance and intensity by running hills each week. Last time I started getting this pain after starting tempo runs. I have a hard time not comparing my training to others, but I need to remember I am practically starting over again with that year I had to take off. I don’t have a solid enough base to increase my distance and intensity at the same time.

My ego tends to get in the way sometimes with running. I’m very competitive with myself and others. I want to be fast and strong and sometimes I end up doing too much. I have to think long term and take my time building up. Consistent training over the years is what’s going to help me improve, not all out for 6 months, injuring myself, and having to take 12 months off and starting all over again. It’s so frustrating.

Thinking of not being able to run got me thinking about who I am and how I define myself. I always think of myself as a runner, but if I can’t run who am I? I had so much trouble that year I had to take off running. It was hard and depressing. I don’t want to go through that again.

What am I here for?
Who am I?
What is the meaning of my life?
What makes me feel fulfilled?

How do you answer these questions? It’s hard. I know I’m a daughter, sister and friend. I’m a mother to my dog, I guess. I’m obviously a foodie, I love healthy, nourishing whole foods. I’m working as an occupational therapy assistant, for now. I don’t consider myself a yogi, but I’m loving it and will always keep it in my life.

I want to get more into eco-friendly living. From using green cleaners, to buying organics, to using my car less. I want to be a mom someday and a wife. I want to travel more and spend more time in nature. I love hiking and backpacking. I want my own home that I can decorate and organize. I want a garden so I can grow my own fresh produce and herbs.

Just thinking of getting injured again and not being able to run, hence not being able to be a runner makes me question myself. I am not just a runner, but I feel lost if I can’t run. Heck some days I still feel lost. In time I guess I ‘ll work it out.

Does anyone else ask themselves these questions or have you figured it out?

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About richelleludwig

C.H.N. Certified Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Cognitive Approach Practitioner
This entry was posted in Running. Bookmark the permalink.

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