How’s your weekend going? Mine has been great. I ended up going out to karaoke last night with some friends, then dancing. We had a blast and I’m glad I ended up going. I always laugh when I’m with these people. I even got the nerve to stand up with a friend and sing a couple of songs. I used to be so self-conscious you would have never caught me doing anything like that. Last night I just felt so comfortable in my body and with myself. I didn’t care what other people thought of me. I was relaxed and able to just be myself. The actual goofy, dorky, part of me came out too, not caring if people judged. I even busted a move on the dance floor without being totally inebriated, something else I couldn’t do before.
It’s a wonderful thing being at peace with yourself. Just last week I was struggling with this. I have to work at it everyday and especially on those days where I have a skewed image of myself I have to fight back against the thoughts that tell me I need to lose weight, or I look fat. Those thoughts are coming less often though. In the depths of my eating disorder I was always focused on losing weight. That was my motivation behind everything. I wanted to be skinny and then I would be happy. I didn’t really truly look at my health. Now I focus on being healthy and whatever weight my body lands at I try to accept it. I say try because some days I still have to fight off the thoughts of wanting to lose weight.
I eat real whole foods to help me recover from exercise quicker and to fuel me for training. To help improve my skin tone, because it’s better for the environment, and to prevent disease and sickness. Eating this way makes me feel good inside and out. I never get the afternoon energy low because I fuel my body with delicious non-processed foods every 2-4 hours. I never feel weak when I’m running or exercising anymore either. Now I run because it’s a passion, everything else is to improve my running. Yoga is to improve flexibility and help prevent injuries. Strength training is to prevent muscle imbalances and injuries, and improve endurance. Cross training is to improve my cardiovascular system while letting my joints rest from the pounding of running.
I’m going to keep working on being at peace with myself. In the past 8 months I have found myself getting excited about life again. There are so many possibilities out there and I don’t want to miss out on them because of feeling self-conscious or caring what other people might think. It’s going to be and has been hard work and I know it won’t be all uphill. But gradually in time it will keep getting easier.
Even though I didn’t get to bed until 3:00am my internal alarm clock woke me up at 8:00am. The first thing on my mind this morning was oatmeal, but first I made some green tea with lemon juice to detox my liver.
Banana whipped oatmeal with cottage cheese topped with peanut butter and raspberry jam.
I got hungry for lunch early and heated up some leftovers. I guess bustin’ a move on the dance floor for a couple of hours builds up your appetite. Back to that topic, I love my friends. There were some creepers at the bar last night. One kept trying to dance with me and he actually grabbed my hands and was holding on tight. My friend came in and pulled me away from him grabbing my hands and dancing with me. I don’t know about you, but when I go dancing I’m there for just that. To have fun with my friends and dance. Why do guys have to be so annoying. I am not looking to pick anyone up at the bar so leave me alone. Okay vent over, back to lunch.
Edamame with asparagus, green pepper, carrot, corn, onion, ginger, garlic, and tomato with a side of buttered toast.
After lunch Jewel and I walked to pick up my car. It was snowing lightly and around -15, which felt balmy compared to our -30’s last week. I fueled up and picked up groceries. When I am grocery shopping I keep a rough tally of everything I put in my cart so I can make sure I stay within my budget. Today I saw someone from work and they talked to me and I lost track. So when I got to the till and I was $30 plus over my weekly grocery budget I was a little surprised. Darn! On a better note I still had $20 and change leftover from the money I took out for last night. On an even better note I have paid off over half my loan and credit card as of this week. Yay! We are making progress.
Tonight I didn’t feel like cooking so quick and easy it was.
Leftover roasted Kabocha squash and a whole wheat cinnamon raisin bagel with white cheddar. The bagel and cheese actually went well together with a sweet and salty affect.
Today was a rest day for me and tomorrow morning I am meeting some girls for a 16km run. I’m lacking sleep from last night so I am going to hit the hay. Yeah, I just said that. My dorky side coming out again. Hehe. The weekend is half over already, but next week I have lot’s of fun things to look forward too like extreme burn, yoga, spin, and more running!